Thursday, January 3, 2013

Things We Should Really Stop Doing in 2013

Well, friends, a new year has officially begun. I had a pretty crazy time celebrating the end of 2012 - meaning I sat in my room watching Breaking Bad on Netflix for four hours and turned on the TV just in time to hear Carson Daly tell me the new year had, in fact, begun. Since the start of the year, I've bought a bunch of new clothes and done not much else, so things are looking good for 2013. Seeing as I am already the perfect human, I'm not big on personal resolutions. But I've been thinking a lot about how the world at large can improve this year, and I've come to a few important conclusions. Without further ado, then, I present to you a brief list of the things we should really stop doing in 2013.

1. Taking selfies. The trend of taking pictures of oneself was, of course, not new last year. It has been around longer than even the camera has, if you consider the fascination painters have had for centuries with painting pictures of themselves. But I say that, in 2013, it's time for the selfie to end. "But Sarah," you say, "What about ironic selfies? Irony is super cool, right?" Yes, dear reader, in our strange society, irony is, inexplicably, super cool. At this point, though, even ironic selfies have begun to go too far. Taking funny, unflattering photos of yourself to plaster all over the Internet still constitutes you plastering photos of yourself all over the Internet. The people of earth are sick of this. If you are so self-interested that you simply cannot survive without your daily dose of photos of yourself, hand your camera or phone off to someone else. Make your friends take pictures of you. At least, in those cases, your eventual viewers don't have to deal with your pasty-white arm appearing at the edge of the frame or your face taking up 90% of the photo. So people, resolve to stop taking selfies in 2013. No one cares that much about your face.

[Note: The obvious exception to the no-selfies rule is selfies for use in Snapchat. Snapchat is awesome. And those selfies disappear.]

2. Listening to "Gangnam Style." This song has had more than enough time in our lives. It's catchy. The video is funny and weird and reminds the world, "Oh, so that's what's going on in Asia." I get that. But it's time to let it go, people. You have been listening to this song for almost six months now and you still don't know any more of the words than "Heyyyy sexy lay-day." Psy has had his moment in the US, and it's time for us to go back to not caring about K-Pop. By all means, continue to follow the rapper's fabulous advice, "Dress classy and dance cheesy." But please, please, please, in 2013, stop listening to "Gangnam Style."

3. Using the term "fiscal cliff." Did we fall over it? Did Congress save us from it? Did that milk cliff thing ever materialize (God, I hope not)? I don't care. I am so sick of hearing the words "fiscal cliff" that I have completely tuned out any and all mentions of it. I know this is a tall order, but please, people of America (I'm looking at you, CNN) - stop talking about the fiscal cliff.

4. Caring about the Kardashians. ....LOLJK I love them. BABY KIMYE 4 PREZ 2016.

5. Giving any money at all to anyone in the Honey Boo Boo family. TLC, this is your fault. You have created this terrifying monster. While I have avoided watching their show for fear that I will become obsessed with them, I know enough to be certain that these people should not, in a thousand years, be getting the obscene amounts of money they get for their show. So in 2013, I beg you, TLC/America, stop encouraging them.

[Note: Something we should definitely KEEP doing in 2013 - giving exorbitant amounts of money to whatever poor suckers have to work creating and producing that show. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has holiday specials hitting TV soon. A good number of humans had to spend their Thanksgiving and Christmas filming Honey Boo Boo Child. There is not enough money in the world to compensate these people for what they do.]

6. Pretending like Alabama football is some big thing or something. Go Irish. Beat Bama. T-4 days.

So these are a few things that we should really, really stop doing this year. There are, of course, lots of other annoying things we should call a halt to in 2013 - genocide, world hunger - but this is a good starter list. It's going to be a great year, but it'll be even greater without selfies or Psy. So turn off the iPhone selfie-cam and step away from the go-go juice, and get ready to start the year off right as South Bend goes to South Beach.

Also, readers, while we're on that topic, I have a question for you all! I'm going to Miami for the game, and immediately after the game, I'm headed off to London for my semester of study abroad. How do you, dear readers, think I should go about my study abroad blogging? Go on hiatus from the Domerberry and start an exclusively study-abroad-related blog? Keep up general life posts like this one on the Domerberry while doing study-abroad-related posts on a new blog? Write all my study-abroad posts here on the Domerberry? If you care enough to have an opinion on this, let me know your thoughts! See y'all on the other side of the 'ship.

1 comment:

  1. i would say have two blogs but you probably won't have time for that. as much as i would miss domerberry, start a new blog just for abroad stuff. you can continue being funny on a site with the Union Jack and Big Ben as the background. <3