We returned to this so quickly overlooked title and began to reevaluate our options. The description given for the film was as follows:
"After crash-landing in Los Angeles' mundane San Fernando Valley, three colorful aliens befriend manicurist Valerie and her wacky boss."
If that doesn't look promising at 11 PM on a Thursday, nothing does.
We hit play on this puzzling space move and quickly realized we were in for far more than we could ever have imagined. This movie, you see, stars actual famous people. In fact, it has kind of a lot of famous people. Heroine Valerie is played by Geena Davis, famous person from such (admittedly eclectic) works as Beetlejuice, Thelma & Louise, Stuart Little - the one thing I'd seen her in before, just so we're all aware - and that ABC show about the woman president. Yes, that's right, this actress has played both the president of the United States and a Valley girl who - spoiler alert - falls in love with an alien.
The alien cast consists of Jeff Goldblum, known for such roles as something important in Jurassic Park - again, a movie I have not seen despite having now seen Earth Girls Are Easy - and one of Rachel Berry's gay dads on Glee; Damon Wayans, and JIM CARREY. To make a long story short, this movie, against all odds, is chock full of famous people. Within the first fifteen minutes or so, we supplemented this puzzling knowledge with another prime bit of info on Earth Girls: it is a musical.
To recap what we've learned so far, this movie is a musical comedy, starring people who are entirely too famous for this nonsense, about a group of aliens who crash-land their sedan-sized spaceship in a pool in the San Fernando Valley. With a starting summary like that, one can only assume that all sorts of wacky antics are quick to ensue.
Ensue, my friends, they do. First, there's the grooming of the aliens. They begin the film as brightly colored creatures covered head to toe in luscious, dappled fur. Once they land in the pool, though, the fur has, naturally, got to fly. To make over the aliens before the pool drainer arrives (not kidding), Valerie takes the boys to the salon where she conveniently works.
Valerie hands her alien friends off to her aforementioned "wacky boss," whose name is obviously Candy and who obviously stars in a musical number later in the film entitled "'Cause I'm a Blonde." I've gone ahead and included the video for that particular number. I would encourage you to watch it, because I assure you that it will change your life. By all means, feel free to pitch in with your favorite lines! (I'm personally torn between "my goal is to become a veterinarian because I love children" and "I'm a blonde, B-L- *giggle* I don't know.")
After an undisclosed but presumably significant amount of time working on the trio, Candy brings the aliens out, fur-free, normally complected, and as - surprise, surprise - regulation hotties.
From there, things only become increasingly wonderful. There's an alien-on-human male cage dancing battle, a high-speed freeway chase (featuring aliens! And aliens don't drive cars! Wacky!), and so, so much more. I don't want to spoil anything for you, so I'll stop here and allow you to experience the rest for yourself. According to the more detailed title description, Earth Girls is only available on Netflix until July 1, so you'd better act fast. I have no idea why Netflix decided to take this move on, but I am so glad they did. Watch what you want, dear readers, but this will be the best thing you watch this summer.
Here's that video I promised. Enjoy, everyone. Enjoy.