What WOULD I Say?

Well, friends, at long last, I have found the force to drive me back into the long-neglected blogosphere. A website has come into my life today that has changed it forever, and I felt it was my duty to share this special, special development with all of you.

The website, owned and run (from the look of it) by an absolutely brilliant group of Princeton students, is "What Would I Say?". When you log into the site with your Facebook account, some sort of tech wizardry mines all of your statuses, photo captions, and other written updates to create an apparently endless stream of updates written in your online voice. The results, of course, are nothing short of STUPIDLY funny.

I have spent the past 24 hours generating status after status with this website, and it has taught me some interesting things about what I spend my time discussing. Using some of the site's greatest results as examples, let's explore!

First, What Would I Say has taught me that I am a deeply pretentious human being. On far too many occasions, I use big words for totally undecipherable reasons.

What did I ever say on Facebook to inspire this? Good question.

I also am far too liberal in discussing my extensive European travel. I didn't screenshot many of my pretentious Europe-related statuses, but some highlights that I wrote down include: "just made the best european pic"; "is it melts into your average european churchyard"; "Here's to gelato and a 15th century Italian flag is this"; "not quite as in venice"; and "du Lac, take that, France." 

What Would I Say has also forced me to confront the reality of my addiction to caps lock. Some examples: 

A two-for-one: gratuitous caps lock AND a reminder that I've been to mass with the Pope

SarahBot status or accurately-typed screamo lyrics?

Just speaking generally, I seem to be confused as to the driving force behind my personality. At one moment, I'm pretentious; at the next, I am a relentless gangsta. One of my favorites of the entire day, without question, is "This is, so far, a huge shoutout to the street." Where do these things come from? I don't know. I do now know, however, that I apparently make a lot of references to "the homies," including another top 5 favorite on the day, "is back in the homies doing something." Other gangsta favorites include...

One hand in the air for the big city 

and this kind gem:

(Sorry not sorry about the inconsistent screenshot format, by the way)

I am, of course, well aware of the fact that food is important to me. What Would I Say, though, has corroborated this knowledge again...and again...and again. 

               

For some reason, these are the only three food-related statuses that I bothered to screenshot, but oh, there have been many more. WWIS produced one status this morning that combined two of my favorite things - food and attractive men - with, "Here's to gelato and [a very hot guy from my high school whose presence in my Facebook status history is completely inexplicable and whom I'm not going to mention by name here, you know, just in case]." Another gem I texted to a friend this morning was a status that really, I believe, captures my linguistic essence in six little words: "brb, going to the dining hall." 

While I like What Would I Say for a lot of reasons, I'm particularly fond of the way in which it makes me look like a gifted poet/philosopher. 

Literally, when did I say publicly, "how i've missed you"?!

            

"This." 

Because aren't they all?

Ultimately, though, What Would I Say has simply alerted me to one important thing: I am, apparently, definitely on drugs. 

Or is it? 

    

We are the world, we are the children.                                                 I think. Not sure.

So that's a pretty good summary of just what it is that I would say. If you're one of those people who hates all Facebook games and trends equally and is sick of seeing posts from this app, I'm sorry kind of, but I also mostly feel bad for you. 

Oh, and for the record? This particular app may be acceptable to plaster all over your Facebook at the moment, but posting 20 Bitstrips updates a day still makes you a freak.