Thursday, April 12, 2012

Eh, It's April

As the school year approaches its end, I've noticed that one phrase has become the go-to comment for everything from schoolwork to alcoholism: "Eh, it's April." Don't feel like doing homework? Eh, it's April. Want to wear yoga pants and a hoodie to class every day? Eh, it's April. Sick of acting like a responsible adult when you could be getting schwasted every night? Eh, it's April. With these three - okay, two and a half - simple words, you can simultaneously express and justify your indifference toward just about anything. In the post that follows, I will explain some of the most practical uses of this wonderful phrase.

The most obvious application of this modern-day Hakuna Matata is with end-of-the-semester academic slackerdom. Many people would refer to this phenomenon as "senioritis," but since it affects nearly every student I know, senior or otherwise, "end-of-the-semester academic slackerdom" it is. We all know this feeling. It's April 12, people. One month from now, finals will be over and summertime joy will once again rule the earth. Schoolwork at this point just seems unnecessary, does it not? All the professors' tricks have been revealed to us by now. Very few tests and papers remain short of finals themselves. And as far as the remaining assignments are concerned, let's face it: the one pre-finals paper left is probably not going to change your grade that much one way or the other. If you've been failing all semester, you're probably going to continue to fail. So, then, you're obviously not going to do your homework...but that seems sort of wrong, doesn't it? Eh, it's April.

If academic slackerdom isn't your jam - or, for the very bold, if it's simply not enough - this time of year is also great for the second-best kind of laziness: end-of-the-semester wardrobe slackerdom. Once we're this far into the semester, it seems pointless to continue exerting effort on one's appearance. By this point, all your classmates more or less know what you look like and what you're like as a person. Were you hoping, earlier in the year, to impress one of them with your stunning fashion choices, your mission should, by now, be complete. If the hot guy in your bio lab hasn't fallen in love with you by April, he's not going to fall in love with you. Given this unfortunate reality, why keep trying? I've certainly adopted this mentality. I've worn t-shirts of various sleeve lengths every day this week. If I'm not mistaken, today was the first day since Easter that I've actually bothered to put in my contacts. Yesterday, when I discovered a giant zit on the exact spot on my nose where my glasses would uncomfortably rest, I even (briefly) considered just going to class blind. My mentality? Eh, it's April. [Note: for the record, I didn't go to class blind. I wore my glasses and valiantly fought through the pain.] [Other note: When I say "valiantly," I mean that I took care to speak and cough all day like a middle-aged emphysema sufferer with a deviated septum, so as to ensure no teacher would force me to talk.]

One area where "Eh, it's April" doesn't quite cut it is dorm room upkeep. Normally, I'm all for leaving one's room a complete mess at all times. Ask anyone who has ever seen my room any day all year, including today. However, it occurs to me that, as excuses for messy rooms go, "Eh, it's April" is not the best. By mid-April, the days are numbered before we all must move out of our rooms. If one's room is still a disaster zone by the end of (eh it's) April, you're in a bit of trouble. Adopting the "Eh, it's April" mentality can also, as I learned today, lead to grave danger for you and all your dorm mates. A few days ago, after waking from a nap and stretching out my arms just as gracefully as you see in the movies, I accidentally knocked one of the plastic lampshades on my bedside lamp out of place. It popped back into place fairly easily, so when it fell out of place again later that night, I thought little of it - and, it being April, after all, I was far too lazy to fix it again. By the time I needed that lamp again as an actual light source, I had forgotten about the fallen lampshade. This afternoon, I noticed that the shade was still hanging precariously off the edge of the lightbulb. I slid it back into place and noticed there seemed to be a strange mark on the upper edge of the shade. Upon taking the shade off to examine it more closely, I discovered the true problem: the ill-placed lampshade had melted from contact with the active lightbulb, leaving a twisted mass of purple plastic and a centimeter-wide hole in the shade. [Note: a picture of this can be found on my Facebook/Instagram. Check it out. Follow me on Instagram. Like the picture. Validate my existence.] This discovery raised more questions than it answered: how did I not smell this plastic burning to a crisp? Isn't this flammable? How did I manage to dodge the "oops, I burned down my dorm" bullet with this? The good news, of course, is that the lamp did not, in fact, catch on fire, so I should probably just be happy and move on. Given the likelihood that this would escalate into the Great Notre Dame Fire of 2012 were it to happen again, though, let this serve as a warning to you all. When it comes to cleaning or fixing things in your room that are broken and potentially flammable, "Eh, it's April" is not a good mentality to have!

So, kids, next time you ask yourself if it's worth it to do your homework, force yourself into real pants, or generally fulfill your responsibilities, remember - "Eh, it's April!" Armed with this phrase, you really will have no worries for the rest of your days. Unless you burn down your dorm accidentally.

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