Monday, February 6, 2012

What I Plan to Do in London

Since most of you probably were directed here from my Facebook or Twitter, you may already know that I've been accepted to study abroad in London next spring. Anyone who's talked to me since then knows that I'm a little excited about it. (Just a little.) Obviously, in the state of London-induced euphoria in which I currently live, the only thing to blog about today is how I will make use of my time abroad! So, folks, for your reading pleasure, here it is - stuff I'm going to do while I'm in London.

My first order of business, of course, is attacking and slowly dismantling the marriage of Prince William and Kate Middleton. This needs to happen for so many reasons. Most importantly, I have been in love with Wills Never mind that I was not yet born in 1987; I've loved him for a long time, okay?! Breaking up his marriage to Kate would, first and foremost, allow him to marry me, as I know he has always subconsciously intended. William marrying me would also benefit the United Kingdom as a whole, because I would be a far more sassy and entertaining queen than any they have previously seen. I would be like the Mia Thermopolis of England. Homewrecking the royals would also be beneficial in that, the way I intend to go about it, it would win me Kate as my bestie/style advisor. You see, the best way to break them up would clearly be to gradually build up Kate's trust and best-friend-status love until she's so nuts about me, she's willing to divorce William so he can marry me. (I see nothing illogical in this plan.) Once we are best friends, I could use her as my personal shopping buddy - something that every woman in the world wants; admit it, you do, too. All around, objective #1 of my semester abroad is a win-win!

The next task I plan to pursue is finally getting my Hogwarts letter. Upon hearing this, some of you may be thinking, "But Hogwarts isn't a real place." To you I say, Shhhh. Other, more practical people may say, "But Sarah, you're significantly older than the other first years, who are all eleven." This is true. However, when it comes to my invite to Hogwarts, I'm not picky! I will accept an offer as student, professor, administrator, janitor, or magically-transfigured broom closet. There are also, of course, many other places in this vein to explore while in London. I intend to, like Harry in the summer before his third year, do all of my studying for the semester in the inn above the Leaky Cauldron, eating free sundaes from Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor and watching young witches and wizards shop for textbooks and robes out my window. I am currently working on a way to smuggle a small owl back through customs. I also pledge to visit every public loo (see? I'm half British already!) in the city if it means finding the Ministry of Magic. [On a slightly more serious note, I know that there are approximately five bajillion Harry Potter tourist sites in London, and if you're reading this and will be in London for spring 2013, be aware that I will be dragging you to all of them.]

Third on my completely-realistic London bucket list is singing a duet with Adele. I'm thinking "(I've Had) The Time of My Life." Literally everything about this goal is realistic. I hope that, by May of next year, Adele's vocal problems will have been ameliorated. If they haven't, I probably will have killed myself, so the whole thing is moot. I like to think that our voices would sound harmonious and beautiful together. We are both divas who seem unlikely to be willing to sing anything but the melody or to sing a guy's part, so that would be sure to produce a really loud, generally obnoxious performance. She's the only famous person I can think of from whom I could borrow clothing, so that will work well. I like to imagine us in matching sequined muumuus like the one Cee-Lo wore for the Super Bowl halftime show (the only part I watched). By the end of this performance, Adele and I, too, will be best friends. Adele, Kate, and I will be meeting for tea once a week by spring break, a week during which I intend to travel to Italy and become the latest "It" model of the Milan fashion scene.

So....that's pretty much what I have planned. I mean, time and again, I suppose I'll go to class and see the sights and stuff. I have enough things to do that I don't predict I'll sleep a lot. For this reason, I intend to sleep approximately thirteen hours a night for the entirety of this semester. In all, I'm pretty sure that spring 2013 is going to be the best semester of all time. Don't be surprised if, with the exception of a brief visit to go to my sister's graduation (I figure that's pretty required), I never come home.

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