As a Certified Fall Freak, autumn in my house tends to begin sometime between the Fourth of July and mid-August, depending on how insane I'm feeling. In the real, technical world, though, fall only began three weeks ago or so — meaning there's a lot more of it left to love.
So how can you ensure that you make the most of the season? Well, sure, you could go outside and look at trees and stuff. But in my world, there are three keys to autumnal perfection: fall books, fall movies, and fall food. For this week's Thursday Dive, I'm sharing my favorites from each of these categories so that you, like Humpty Dumpty, can have a great fall.
My Favorite Fall Books
The Ex Hex, by Erin Sterling. Does this sound corny to you? That's because it is! But guess what — autumn is the season for corny, silly witch books. In this one, a college-aged witch puts a drunken hex on her ex-boyfriend after he dumps her and moves on, only for him to return years later and reveal that the hex has, like, actually ruined his life and magically threatened their entire town. They must band together to reverse the hex and save the town, and voila, sparks fly. This is a delight. It has two sequels (including a Christmas book!!!) for when you can't get enough of the characters in its literary universe. Five stars.
The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches, by Sangu Mandanna. Charming, charming, charming!!! A young witch (are you sensing a theme?) takes a job at a remote manor house teaching magical children how to keep from wreaking havoc on the planet, and along the way finds unexpected community with the old witchy gays who own the place and the — plot twist — Hot Guy™️ who works as its librarian. I adored this book.
Ninth House, by Leigh Bardugo. Are you occasionally hit by twinges of regret that you didn't go to an Ivy and join a secret society? Yes? Great. Read this book. Set at the mostly nonfictional Yale, this one features a not-very-Yaley teenager (poor, fatherless, named Galaxy for some reason) who's given a full ride here because, as it turns out, she's been scouted as having the power to help run the school's ninth, extra-secret secret society — the one that controls the occult activities and magic secretly performed by the other eight. Campus novel plus ~spooky business~! Highly recommend. This is the start of a series, but I didn't know that when I read it, was subsequently annoyed that it ended on a cliffhanger, and have thus refused to read the rest of the series out of spite. Read this one alone or with its sequels if you must.
Rebecca, by Daphne du Maurier. If actual literature is more your speed than genre novels and witch romcoms, then here, you can have Rebecca as a treat. This towering queen of gothic novels is a perfect book to read during spooky season and is one of my all-time favorites. Read if you prefer your psychically significant dead characters to linger metaphorically rather than literally.
The Secret History, by Donna Tartt. More literature for those who need it. You can't call yourself a lover of dark academia without reading this, the genre's urtext — and, in my opinion, you can't really call yourself a lover of fall if you don't indulge in some dark academe. I don't worship this one as much as some people do, but the unraveling of a group of gifted kids following a Horrible Event™️ is still required reading.
The Dead Romantics, by Ashley Poston. In this spooky romcom, the lead girl is not a witch but a run-of-the-mill funeral director's daughter-turned-writer with the ability to see ghosts. The ghost she spots in this one is none other than her broodingly handsome, impossible-to-work-with editor. Enemies-to-lovers-y sparks start flying — but is there anywhere for them to go? Read to find out.
The Last to Vanish, by Megan Miranda. This list may not show it, but the books I read most often are actually thrillers and mysteries. Since I read whodunits year-round, I don't associate them with fall as much as some people do, but this one is a great read for autumn. Set in a foliage-laden mountain town that's been home to a string of disappearances, this features an innkeeper heroine who must spring into action when the journalist poking around the town turns up missing himself. Megan Miranda is my personal favorite thriller writer, so if this novel doesn't sound appealing, pick one of her dozen-ish other books and safely assume that I'd recommend that one, too.
Honorable Mentions: I Have Some Questions for You, by Rebecca Makkai (litfic-y campus novel slash podcast thriller); The Cloisters, by Katy Hays (tarot-centric academic thriller set at the Met Cloisters); The Wild Hunt, by Emma Seckel (gothic-y, horror-y novel set in October 1950ish on a Scottish island beset by crows that represent the spirits of the dead); The Maidens, by Alex Michaelides (campus novel thriller with a double major in classics and psychology); How to Solve Your Own Murder (cozy mystery in an English manor house); The Paris Apartment (not particularly fall-ish, but a favorite thriller I'd be remiss not to include)
My Favorite Fall Movies
Hocus Pocus. What is there to say about Hocus Pocus that hasn't already been said? This is the most significant piece of seasonal media since It's a Wonderful Life. It is the greatest creation of one of our greatest creators of pop culture, Kenny Ortega. It is a masterpiece of jackets. (Seriously, watch it again and tell me you don't want to own every piece of outerwear in the film, especially those worn by the mean but dripped-out teen bullies Jay and Ice.) I love you, Hocus Pocus. Thank God you are a standalone film for which no one ever made a sequel.
Halloweentown. Quality-wise, the Disney Channel Original Movie Halloweentown is no Hocus Pocus. But in terms of nostalgic weight, this guy is the undisputed silver medalist. Fall can't end until I've watched this thing at least a time or two, and fortunately, its cool 84-minute run time makes that very easy to pull off.
The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad. It's possible you don't consciously know what I'm talking about with this one. This is a two-in-one short film collection released by Disney in 1949 and narrated slash sung at times by Bing Crosby. It's weird that I love this, but I do. Frankly, the Mr. Toad part I could take or leave, but the Ichabod Crane section is a Halloween classic. Illustration that gives Ichy the nose and ears of a Snapchat filter that's honestly a little too mean. Songs that have no business being as good as they are for a half-hour children's animation. Genuine scares from the headless horseman, because it was the '40s and screw it, traumatize those kids. You should reach into the depths of Disney+ and give this a watch this year — just maybe not with your smallest children.
Knives Out. I've said it before and I'll say it again now: Rian Johnson could put out a new Knives Out movie once a month and it would not be enough. I love these films — and the first one is a delightful little ode to falling-leaf season. Watch it, wear your finest Chris Evans sweater, and lament the fact that we only have three of these movies so far.
Sweet Home Alabama. Hot take: the best fall romcom is Sweet Home Alabama!!!!! You've Got Mail and When Harry Met Sally have been found dead in a ditch. Those are lovely films, but they frankly beat you to death with the foliage. In SHA, it's more of a pleasant surprise that there's foliage everywhere. It's a subtle turtleneck sweater dress, not Meg Ryan carrying a pumpkin. Watch it! Maybe with your baby. In a bar.
My Favorite Fall Recipes
Five-Ingredient White Chicken Chili. Confession: I am the rare type of freak who actually doesn't repeat recipes very often. There are just so many recipes out there, I figure, that if I'm expending the energy to cook, it most often will go towards a dish I haven't made before. One of the rare dishes I do return to is slow cooker chicken chili. I originally found my recipe for it in a paperback Crockpot cookbook I can only occasionally find in my house, but honestly, you don't really need one. Just whack a pound or so of chicken breasts, two cans of white beans, a box of chicken stock, a jar of salsa verde, and a tablespoon of cumin into your slow cooker, let it cook all day on low, shred the chicken, and enjoy. Add more or different spices if you want. Put a bunch of oyster crackers and maybe some cheese and green onion tops in there. Go wild.
Apple Cider Cheesecake Bars. Savory recipes don't recur often in my household, but sweet ones do — and this right here is my go-to any time I'm invited to a party between Labor Day and Thanksgiving. First, bake yourself a 9x13's worth of plain cheesecake bars with graham cracker crust (I like this recipe from Dinner Then Dessert). Once they're out of the oven and have cooled to a warm but handle-able temp, spoon out a jar of apple cider spread over the top, and spread it evenly with an offset spatula until it fills the pan. Trader Joe's discontinued Apple Cider Fruit Spread was the ideal topping for this, but their Apple Pie Spread or Stonewall Kitchen's Apple Cider Jam will also do the trick. Don't use apple pie filling — you're going for a thinner, tangier top layer than that.
Chicken and Noodles. My Midwestern girlies know that nothing hits on a chilly evening like a big-ass pot of chicken and noodles. For the uninitiated, this is not chicken noodle soup!! She is different. She is thicc. She is served on top of a pile of your butteriest mashed potatoes. This is another one that's basically a no-recipe recipe — cook some Amish egg noodles, add shredded rotisserie chicken or another shredded chicken of your choice, ladle it onto some mash — but there are a couple keys to success. First, always boil your noodles in chicken stock, not water. You want these babies chickeny. To be honest, consider cooking it in stock and still tossing in a stock cube! We are building the savory flavor here. If you cook them in water, the dish will taste like nothing. Second and most importantly, get your noodles from Essenhaus, an Amish restaurant and food emporium from Middlebury, Indiana. They simply make the best noodles. Accept no substitutes.
Pumpkin Butter Chocolate Chip Blondies. Generally speaking, I don't enjoy pumpkin. I don't think it tastes that good (butternut squash is far nicer in savory settings); I don't think it smells that good; I am truly a believer that apples should be the culinary and thematic king of autumn rather than these unwieldy orange gourds. All of that said...fall IS pumpkin chocolate chip time. I've made many recipes over the years combining pumpkin and chocolate in some form or other, but my favorite is the Pumpkin Butter Chocolate Chip Blondies from Half-Baked Harvest. A generous layer of cinnamon sugar on top makes these babies a standout among their many peers.
Apple Cider Slush. Friends: You need to be slushie-maxxing. This is a suggestion I have for you year-round, but when fall hits, it's time to make slushes out of apple cider. There is no recipe here at all — you just need equipment. Get yourself a gallon of apple cider from your nearest orchard / pumpkin patch / grocery store, put it in your fridge, and have it ready for whenever the craving strikes. You could invest in a whole-ass Ninja Slushie or something for this, but I know you don't have the budget or the space for that. Instead, get a Zoku (the purple one if you want to match me). It's a regular-sized cup that you store in your freezer, wherein its core wall gets so cold that it turns any drink you pour into it into a slushie in, like, truly five minutes. Apple cider slushies are the peak of its powers. Acquire a Zoku. Make slushies. Enjoy.
See you next week!
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